Loving God with Just Words
A friend tells his fiancé he loves her with all his heart and soul. He insists she’s the most important thing in his life and he wants to spend the rest of his life with her.
Ironically, nothing in his life validates those adamant claims. He spends very little time with her on any given day. Seems there’s always something distracting him. The golf course is calling his name. His buds want him to go fishing. He needs to put in long hours at work. There’s something interesting on television. His family asks him for dinner. Turns out, he only spends an hour or two a week with her.
When she asks to spend more time with him he refuses. He explains that if things are going to work out with them she needs to accept the fact that he wants balance in life. She should not expect or demand more time than he already gives her. After all, he asserts, a couple hours a week is quite generous. He is a busy man with lofty goals and countless interests. She can’t expect him to sacrifice any of his activities just because he loves her. For her to expect that is very selfish.
Perhaps even more surprising is that when they are together he always seems distracted, as if he really doesn’t want to be there. It appears he’s simply checking a box to say he’s spending time with her – but his mind is elsewhere. He doesn’t adopt her interests as his own and avoids doing the things that make her happy. He refuses to attend the ballet, explore antique stores, or help with her garden. He says those things are boring and she shouldn’t insist he cultivate an interest in anything she likes.
Most curious of all is how little affection he shows for her in public. He declines to hold her hand as they walk, pepper her with kisses when sitting outside, or put his arm around her if anyone’s watching. What’s more, he hides his love for her whenever he’s around people who don’t like her ethnicity. He’s embarrassed to admit to strangers his deep and abiding love for her because they may think he’s nuts, or a loser for loving someone so different as she.